I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
