I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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