Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize