the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
