I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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