She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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