Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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