So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
