If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My life is pants optional.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize