did you get engaged???
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
