duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
