He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
