and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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