my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
