Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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