Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
