i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
