worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
