If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
