Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
