I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
