Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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