I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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