Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize