i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
