I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
