I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
