i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
