It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
