I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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