there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
