I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
