Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
