you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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