he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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