the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
