They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
