hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
