She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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