One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
