So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
is it fun? or sober?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
