I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
this is an emotional support booty call
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
