So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
