Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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