i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
