I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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