I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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