He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
