i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
