Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
