I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
