Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
