apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
