If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
