So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
