tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
