I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
