he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
