Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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