so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
