Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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