You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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