There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
