why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
