so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
