honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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