If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
