Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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