I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
