proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
