Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
