make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
