No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
