Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
