What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
