They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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