..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
