as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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