Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
